S6 E9: Impact Winter (Holiday Special)
by JDPostEpisodeChallenge
Summary: Holiday Post Ep from KCat1971 and TheElectricEel 1 chapter a day, now 'til Christmas!
1. Chapter 1

"I'd, ah, like to change my ticket." He felt his heart rate increase in his chest as he stepped up to the customer service counter in the airport terminal. He was nervous at the very thought of what he was doing, but he wasn't going to stop to think about it. He rarely acted on impulse, but somehow this didn't feel like a split second decision. He just wanted to feel at home. He craved the sense of contentment and belonging he knew he could only find one place.

"Is there a problem, sir?" The woman behind the counter with the silk scarf tied around her neck questioned as she stared at his boarding pass for the next nonstop into National.

"No," Josh assured. "No problem at all. I just... I need to change my ticket to Flight 486."

"I see," the woman smiled kindly, typing in the new airport code and printing a replacement boarding pass. "Heading home just in time for Christmas?"

"Something like that," Josh shrugged, pulling out his wallet. He paid for the cost to change the ticket and hurried through security to his gate. The flight was hardly full, with most travelers having arrived at their chosen destinations before Christmas Eve, and Josh was relieved. He sat down in an otherwise empty row, taking an aisle seat and listening politely as the flight attendants secured the cockpit and gave a safety briefing. He ordered a ginger ale, a beverage he only seemed to be fond of in flight, and leaned his head back with a sigh, staring into the dark night sky as the plane climbed rapidly to altitude.

The last week had been a whirlwind. He'd been on a roller coaster of emotions but he was starting to feel hope for the future again. This trip to Texas had been a good first step. Matt Santos was the right man, and though the Congressman was hesitant to say the least, Josh really felt as though he'd gotten through to him. Santos was a candidate he could truly believe in, and he was energized by the thought of getting him elected to the Presidency. He'd found his guy.

Even the prospect of a Presidential campaign, however, remained bittersweet with the gaping Donna sized hole in his heart. She'd left him. She should have been with him. Through the Summit, at the Santos house, through the next phases of life. But she wasn't. She'd quit, right in the middle of the bullpen. Just the thought of her walking out of his life with such ease made his stomach roll.

He sipped his ginger ale slowly and tried to calm his racing thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

Cecily looked at her daughter standing across the table from her, shirt sleeves pushed up, apron and face dusted with flour, attacking the sugar cookie dough with a rolling pin like a woman on a mission.

"Don't get me wrong. It's really nice to have you home. But are you going to tell me what happened?"

"I told you, Ma. I've taken a position with the Vice-President's campaign. I'll be heading to New Hampshire after the holidays."

"That's what's going to happen. I asked what happened. Why'd you leave Josh?"

"I didn't leave him." Donna spit out bitterly. "I moved on to a better position. One I think I deserve after all these years! I'd think you'd be on my side!"

"Donna…" Cecily responded gently, moving around the table to wrap her arm around her daughter. "You know I support you. I'm sure this job is probably a great career move. You've always had a sense about those kind of things. But I know you. I'm not a fool. If this was just about the job, we'd have heard about it long before yesterday. You'd have made a list weighing the pros and cons. You've have called 47 times to talk about it. You'd be telling me all about what Josh thinks about the Vice-President and what the campaign's next move should be. But none of those things have occurred, and you haven't said Josh's name once since you got here. I don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out something happened."

"Mommmm," Donna groaned miserably, "can't we just be glad that I made it home for Christmas instead of being stuck in a dead-end job, catering to a demanding boss? Do we have to reenact the Spanish Inquisition?"

"Sure. We can just bake cookies, and go to church, and you can shut me out of your life and what's important to you. We can pretend that everything's fine and that you're happy here. We can be completely fake with each other."

"Mom. That Italian guilt isn't going to work on me today."

"No guilt. None at all. I wouldn't do that. But I'll just remind you that you never sounded miserable when you used to call to say you wouldn't be flying in until the last minute before the holidays. And you used to spend every minute here bragging about your boss and how he was helping the President fix the Country. And, I'll remind you that I was there in Germany. I saw the look on that man's face when you were lying unconscious in that bed. So, sure, we can make cookies. We can sing carols. I'm sure there's nothing you need to talk to your old Mom about."

Cecily tilted her head and gave her daughter a look before turning to the oven and peering in at the batch of cookies still baking. "Well, these are about done. Gotta watch these things carefully. Don't want them to burn. It's such a shame when you put so much time and effort into something and then just let it go up in flames."


	3. Chapter 3

Josh parked the rental car in an open spot on the quiet street, exiting and taking in the home that stood before him. It was a cookie-cutter image of all the others in the community. Nothing like the stately neighborhood where he had grown up. But he felt oddly at peace as he made his way up the sidewalk and onto the front porch.

The gentle glow of the light radiating through the front windows, combined with the twinkling Christmas lights on the rooflines of most of the houses in the neighborhood was so inviting that he, for a fleeting moment, forgot about the tension he'd carried all week. About the uncertainty he was facing.

Taking a deep breath, he steadied his nerves before reaching out and knocking on the heavy wooden door.

It was only a moment before the front door creaked open ever so slightly. Josh had only met the man standing before him once before. He looked older than Josh had remembered, but that was to be expected, he supposed. The man looked somewhat surprised by the visit, so Josh tried to put him at ease.

"Hello, I'm Josh . . ."

The man's look of surprise quickly morphed into a wry smile as the man cut him off. "I know who you are. I suppose you're here to see her."

"Yes."

'Well, better late than never. Come on in."

The nerves were back full force as he made his way through the door. He glanced around, unsure whether to take off his shoes as his Mother had taught him. Seeing a mat, he quickly toed them off. As he debated whether to take off his coat, he heard a familiar voice from the kitchen.

"Hank! Was that the door?"

"Oh! Josh!" She rushed over to him with a mile wide grin and a hint of vanilla. Soon, he was wrapped in the warm embrace that could only come from a mother. "It's so good to see you. What a pleasant surprise! Come in, come in. Take your coat off."

"I hope I'm not interrupting," he began, the nervous energy in his voice betraying his attempt to appear confident.

"Of course not, dear. You are always welcome in this home. You know that," she smiled softly, and Josh hoped her words weren't simply lip service. He was still a bundle of nerves as she continued to ramble on. "We were just finishing up some extra baking and I thought that I heard someone at the door talking to Hank. I'm relieved to see that he let you inside." She teased.

"Me too," he affirmed with a shrug, trying to appear nonchalant as his eyes rapidly scanned the room. It was nothing like how he grew up. He looked over the tall Douglas Fir wrapped in lights and tinsel, and glanced at the homemade decorations, wondering who had made them. He attempted to be as polite as possible as she continued to chat about her intention to take some cookies to the neighbors, since they frequently dropped off baked goods of their own, nodding and smiling and offering his agreement where appropriate, but his mind was focused on something else entirely.

"Oh, listen to me go on like this," she laughed. "You're clearly not here to see me. Now you just make yourself at home. Hank, get his coat."

She watched them both as Josh slowly removed his gloves attempting to subdue the the nervous energy boiling inside of him. She gave a nod as he peeled off his coat and handed it to Hank, then turned to walk away. He watched silently as she rounded the corner into the other room, calling out-

"Donna, dear. Someone's here to see you."


	4. Chapter 4

"Someone is here for me?" The question died off as Donna emerged from the kitchen. Her jaw first dropped, then she shifted it to the side and pursed her lips together.

"Josh. What are you doing here? Did you forget where to take the dry cleaning?" She spit the words at him, to the utter shock of her parents.

They watched as his face fell and his eyes filled with confusion and pain.

"Uh, no. I, uh came to uh. . . ." He floundered, running his hands coarsely through his hair. "Geez. I should just go. I'm sorry. This was a mistake." He started to turn towards the door, while Donna pivoted towards the other room.

"NO!" Cecily Moss commanded firmly, stopping both Donna and Josh in their tracks.

"Donnatella. That's not how we raised you. Take Josh into the kitchen. Get him a cup of coffee, and for God's sake, have a conversation."

Donna stared at her Mom for a moment before her shoulders slumped in defeat. "Fine." She turned back to Josh. "It's this way."

She gestured toward the other room, but he didn't move. "Well. You heard her. You're not going to get me in trouble with my own Mother on Christmas eve are you?"

Josh glanced back and forth between the two ladies, unable to decide whether fight or flight was the better option.

"If you get me in trouble with my Mother, then I'm going to call yours and tell her why I quit." Donna threatened grimly.

"Well, then maybe she can tell me. Because you know what? I don't have a clue!" Josh huffed, exasperated at the exchange.

But then, Donna seemed to thaw, just a little. "No, I don't suppose you do." She answered in a cool voice. "Come on. I'll get you some coffee."

She turned and strode out of the room, not looking to see if he followed.

By the time she pulled two University of Wisconsin mugs from the cupboard, he had joined her. He sat in a chair and watched silently as she poured the coffee from the pot, then added just the right amount of cream and three sugars to his cup.

When it was ready, she handed it to him, then sat down across from him with her own mug. She stared at him appraisingly for a few moments before taking a long drink.

"Um, thanks. You don't usually get me coffee."

"Well, I don't get coffee for my boss, but I don't work for you anymore." Her voice was hard, but she wasn't immune to the look of pain that flashed across his face. So she softened her rebuke a little.

"I _do_ get coffee for my friends."

Josh looked a little confused.

"We're still friends?" He asked hesitantly. "But you're mad at me."

Donna let out a long suffering sigh. She really didn't enjoy fighting with him.

"Yes. We're still friends. And yes. I'm mad at you."

He smiled a little sadly at her. "So, I guess we'd better talk about it? I don't want you to get in trouble with your Mom. And I certainly don't want to hear about it from mine. So, . . . . why'd you leave me?"


	5. Chapter 5

"I didn't leave you, Joshua."

Donna responded in borderline exasperation, repeating the talking points that she given her Mom, and that she'd been giving herself. "I quit my job for an opportunity to promote."

"Well you could have fooled me." The words came out with more venom than he intended.

Her face fell as she stared into her coffee mug. "I never meant to leave you," she stated softly.

"Then what happened?" He responded, lowering his voice to match hers. Then he made himself wait patiently for her response. This mattered to him. He wanted to know what he'd done. So he could figure out how to fix it.

"I just… I needed to achieve something for myself," she admitted softly. "I need to grow and do something that really matters."

"Donna, you've been doing things that matter for the last 7 years. You do things that matter with me every day." He insisted.

"It's not the same," she bit off quickly. "I don't want you to carry me anymore. I have an obligation not to waste my life."

"And you were wasting your life with me?" His brow furrowed and he felt as though she'd knocked the wind right out of him.

Her head shot up, and she stared at him, wide eyed and sincere. "No. Josh- no. I don't think that at all. It was just time for me to move on." She stammered a bit.

He could see that she was struggling. He'd been seeing her struggle for months now. And he kicked himself for not realizing that it was coming to a head. For not figuring out how to help her before it came to this.

"I miss you," he stated softly. It was, Donna thought, the most timid she'd ever heard him.

She let out a little puff of air and looked away. "You'll find another assistant, Josh. There are a thousand people in DC that could easily step into my job."

"Yes." She was right. There were lots of assistants. But that's not why he was here. "I mean, no. I mean…" He was becoming flustered, not sure how to really say what he meant..

Donna raised her perfectly arched eyebrows at him but said nothing. Over the years she'd learn that sometimes he needed a little more time to organize his thoughts. And she really needed Josh to say what was on his mind. This is why she'd tried to schedule a meeting for them.

He took a deep breath, starting again. "You're incredibly intelligent and organized and perceptive. Not just anyone could do your job, Donna. You helped get a president elected twice and effectively ran the legislative agenda for 7 years. But that's not what I mean. I'll find another assistant at some point, though I'm sure they'll pale in comparison to you. When I said I miss you, Donna, I meant **I** miss **you**. You know, personally."

"Oh. You… do?"

She looked a tad startled by his confession, and Josh felt another wave of panic begin to wash over him. He was terrified of losing her, and his mind began to race. He was trying to tell her something that he'd had a hard time admitting to himself for many years: he was in love with Donna Moss.

"Of course," he persisted. Though Josh typically avoided any situation in which he felt vulnerable, things were different with Donna. Or at least they used to be. He could be his true self with her, without fear of her using it against him. And this, he realized, was perhaps the most important conversation he'd ever have in his life. He'd restrained his feelings for so many years for various reasons; The good of the administration, the country and Donna's reputation. But he couldn't hold back anymore. It was now or never.


	6. Chapter 6

His quick confirmation of what he'd just said stunned her a bit. For so many years, he'd hid behind jokes and innuendos, and out-right denials, that she'd started to think it was all in her head.

Her mind flashed back three years ago. The Christmas she'd been with Jack. Jack had been different. Not at all a gomer. And she'd really thought that he could be the one that could get her over Josh. She'd been trying to psych herself up about the trip to the Washington Inn all day, and then the President came up with a crazy idea and Josh needed her. She wasn't really all that disappointed to cancel on Jack. But then Josh had said something odd.

"_It's not what it looks like_." And they'd done their little dance. And her heart had been hurting when she'd taken that helicopter ride. Because of course, she'd thought that maybe, just maybe, it had been what it looked like. That he hadn't wanted her to be with Jack.

And then Jack had turned out to be a gomer after all. And she'd done something stupid. And Josh had been her white knight again, coming to rescue her, throwing snowballs at her window, telling her she looked amazing. And then nothing had changed. Again.

And then Gaza. She felt her mind start to shut down, to push it away. It still hurt to think about it. But she forced herself to consider it. She'd been so relieved when he'd arrived. He made her feel safer. Complete. But afterward, it had been another round of trying to figure out why he'd shown up. And another round of trying not to read too much into it. Except this time she'd felt like she was drowning and if she didn't get away she'd die.

When she looked up from her coffee cup, she looked into the saddest pair of brown eyes she'd ever seen, and she realized that Josh had suffered through her silent memories thinking that she didn't care about him. For all his bravado, he wasn't a very confident person. He craved love and approval. Just like she did.

She reached across the table and stroked his hand. She wanted to believe that he missed her because he loved her. But after all this time, how could she really know?

But then she gathered her courage. This was part of the reason she'd quit. He wasn't her boss. She wasn't his employee. There was no reason not to just lay the cards out on the table.

"I'm not sure I understand. You miss as me a friend? Or is there a chance of something more?"

His eyes bugged out and she immediately regretted her directness.

"I'm sorry, forget I said that."

She stood up and took her mug over to the sink, while trying to keep her eyes from filling with tears. He wanted to be friends. Maybe that could be enough now that she didn't have to see him every day.

She heard his chair push back from the table, and a moment later he was behind her, his hands on her shoulders.

"I don't want to forget you said that. I think I started falling in love with you the day I met you. And these last few years it's been increasingly hard to hold my feelings back. Donnatella, I'd really like it if it could be something more."

"I'd really like that too." She responded softly.. "I've wanted that for a long time."

Their eyes met in the reflection in the window over the sink. Identical tentative smiles started to bloom as they realized that they'd finally made it past the deflections and misdirection.

Then Donna's face lit up even further. "Look. It's snowing. We should go for a walk!"


	7. Chapter 7

"Go for a walk? Outside? I lay my heart out here and you want to go play in the snow?" Josh whined with just a touch of a smile playing around his mouth that let her know that he wasn't really upset.

"Josh. There's just something magical about walking through lightly falling snow and talking about your feelings. Haven't you ever seen a Hallmark movie?"

"No, I can't say that I have. Emotionally constipated over here. Ya know?"

'Well, trust me. Besides. This will be a lot better than having my parents listening from the other room. And I thought you were an outdoorsman. You're not scared of a little snow, are you?"

"Not so much the snow…" Josh squinted and peered out the window, "as the bears."

Donna laughed outright. "We don't have a lot of grizzly attacks in suburban Madison, Josh. But don't worry, I'll protect you. Come on."

She pulled him into the living room to retrieve their coats, pleasantly surprised to discover that her parents had made themselves scarce. She considered staying inside and sitting in front of a fire, but now that she had a walk on her mind, she really wanted to do it. They did some of their best talking while they walked.

So they donned their coats, Donna pulled on a warm hat, and took Josh's offered arm.

Sure enough, they were barely off the porch when Josh opened up.

"You always have," he stated, his voice completely serious.

"I always have what?"

"Protected me. But I haven't done a very good job of protecting you, have I?"

She knew exactly what he meant. Her grip tightened on his arm as she abruptly stopped their stroll, turning to look at him. "That wasn't your fault."

"It was." He told her. "It is."

"Is?" The present tense made her uncomfortable.

"I dropped the ball, Donna. I can see that you're still struggling with what happened to you in Gaza. And if anyone should have been able to help, it was me. But I was just so inside of my own head. I just wanted to wrap you in bubble wrap and never let you out of the White House again. You were there for me with the PTSD. And when it really mattered, I haven't been there for you."

"Please don't blame yourself for this," she practically begged, positioning herself directly in front of him. "You came to me, Josh. And that's what really mattered. When I woke up, the first person that I saw was you, and that meant more to me than anything. But I guess that's part of why I left, too. I thought for years that there was maybe something special between us. But that the timing was always wrong. So when you came to Germany, I thought maybe something would finally happen between us. And when it didn't, well, I guess I assumed it was all in my head. So I went to a Psychiatrist."

"You did?"

"Yes. I saw how it helped you. And I thought maybe it could work for me. "

She paused to gauge his reaction. And for once he didn't interrupt. He knew how important and hard it was to share that.

"I don't have PTSD, just survivor's guilt. And even though I know what it's called, it doesn't make my need to make something out of my life any less real. I felt like I was just staying at that job because I wanted to be with you. That I was wasting my life chasing something that would never be. So I decided to quit. To give myself the space I needed to try to do the impossible and get over you."

"You're over me?" He sounded weary, still afraid that he'd missed his window of opportunity.

"Didn't work," she admitted with a sad smile. "But I'm going to ask you again, Josh. Why are you here? Why now? "

"Because," Josh admitted with more vulnerability than Donna had ever heard in his voice. "I was afraid of losing you forever. And I'm sure that I can't survive that. So here I am, Donna. Telling you how I feel and praying you'll feel the same way. I know I'm not any good with relationships or saying the right thing but if you just let me love you, Donna, I'll show you how much I mean what I'm saying. I'll fight for you. I'll cherish you and respect you and promise to spend every minute of my life righting all the wrongs of the last 8 years, if you'll let me. But I won't be able to live with myself if I never tell you how I feel."

The tears pooled in her eyes as they stood in the quiet darkness of the park at the end of the street. She never thought she'd ever hear him say those words, and she was overwhelmed by his love for her.

"Please say something," he whispered, unnerved by her lack of verbal response.

"Now is the moment, Joshua, when you're supposed to kiss me," she told him, her gaze burning into his.

And kiss her, he did.


	8. Epilogue- New Year's Eve

Donna stood in front of the full length mirror, butterflies in her stomach. She smoothed the metallic silver dress over her hips one more time. She didn't really know why she was so nervous.

It's not like she'd never been to a ball with this man. She'd even watched Will get sworn in as Toby's deputy at one of them. And she'd know lots of people there. And it was practically part of her job. To be at these things. To talk up her candidate. To raise some moola.

There was really no reason to be nervous. Except she was. She'd walked away from them. She'd broken Josh's heart. Would they welcome her back or would they shun her?

"They know I'm going to be there, don't they?" She called out.

He came out of the bathroom adjusting his tie, but when he saw her, he stopped in his tracks.

"You look amazing." He uttered reflexively, immediately making her think of another time and place.

He wanted to reach for her and pull her into his arms, but this was still so new, he wasn't sure what to do. Instead, he stood awkwardly for a moment before reaching up and tugging at his tie.

"Stop that." She teased. You're going to ruin all my hard work. "Come here."

He moved closer and stood before her, arms at his sides, while she pulled the tie loose and started started over. When she'd finished, she took his face in her hands and planted a long kiss on him. That's when his brain remembered that he was allowed to touch her now.

His arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her body flush into his, and he kissed her back with all the passion and emotion he'd been storing up for 8 years.

His hands roamed over the smooth skin of her back, and he thanked whatever deity was listening for backless dresses and New Year's Eve Balls.

But when he started to try to push the dress up her legs, she stopped him. "Whoa, there cowboy."

"Cowboy?" he groaned "Please don't tell me you're already picking up Bingo Bob's lingo."

Donna laughed at him then. "No. But I don't have enough time to get ready again. We can pick this back up tonight, AFTER the party."

"We can?"

"Yes, we can."

"Okay then." He agreed just a little reluctantly. He'd really, really like to continue this right now, but he also wanted to take her out. To show the world that she'd picked him after all. To finally and irrevocably stake his claim.

Josh wrapped the flimsy, sparkling shawl around her shoulders, then held out his arm to her like a gentleman. And he felt his chest swell when she took it.

He opened the doors, and ushered her into the town car he'd hired. It wasn't a motorcade, but it was better than a crowded cab. Still, he wondered if he could convince her to ride on his lap?

CJ had been accommodating when he'd insisted on meeting them at the venue. Being her deputy wasn't like being Leo's. She hadn't had a problem with him taking the week after Christmas off. But he couldn't help wondering how she was going to react to the news.

Donna smiled nervously at him as he helped her out of the car. "We're really going to do this? We could still run away to Hawaii or something."

"I seem to remember someone telling me to gather my rosebuds, Donna. You were making chicken noises and everything. You're not chicken are you?"

She tilted her head and gave him a bit of a scathing look, before breaking out into a grin. "I'm not chicken. I'm a little nervous, but we aren't letting anyone else's expectations get between us any more, are we?"

"Not a chance."

"Okay, then, let's go."

Donna expected to be able to just slip into the room unnoticed, but instead it felt like every eye was on them as they walked into the room. She felt herself turning a little pink until she snuck a peak at Josh out of the corner of her eye. His chest was puffed out and his grin was a mile wide, dimples on full display.

Then it hit her. He was proud to be seen with her. Thrilled, even, that she was on his arm. Her confidence soared and she stood even taller as he seamlessly guided her around the room, greeting Washington's elite.

A few minutes later, they discovered why it had seemed like everyone had turned when they'd arrived. The band played a fanfare and the President was announced. He and Abbey glided into the room, looking like royalty. Charlie and Zoey followed, with CJ and Toby in their wake.

Josh immediately steered them towards the President and Donna felt her heartbeat in her throat.

But when they arrived together, Mrs. Bartlet exclaimed in joy- "Oh Donna! It's so good to see you!"

Toby's lips quirked up in what could almost be called a smile, while CJ's mouth fell open for a moment.

"Is this what you needed a week off for? Did you finally get your head out of your-

"Ahem!" President Bartlet cut in, "Let's remember where we are, shall we? I don't have any more elections to win, but these two certainly don't need to be part of a scene."

"Yes, Mr. President," CJ responded meekly. "So does this mean you're coming back to work for us?" She asked Donna, a bit desperately.

"Sorry, no." Donna answered, grimacing a little.

But Josh just pulled her closer and tightened his arm around her waist.

"Given our recent change in status, we've decided that it's for the best if Donna stays on the VP's campaign staff."

"Change in status?" CJ repeated a bit slowly, while at Josh's words, Toby finally broke into an actual smile.

Charlie and Zoey each actually let out a small whoop. And the President really couldn't look any happier.

But it was Abbey who was able to sum up what they were all feeling.

"It's about damn time."


End file.
